How God used Christian hip hop to change Kia’s life
A reader submitted the following story about how God used Christian hip hop to change her life. Rapzilla will share more readers’ testimonies each Sunday.
Kia Ross’s story
Growing up in church — from a young child to the woman I am today — I constantly tried to convince myself that God was real and that he understood. I had to convince myself that what I was being taught in the church had meaning, and it had to mean something to me. I felt like I needed God to prove himself.
I grew up in an abusive home, where every fight was physical, verbal and emotional. There were days that, at age 12, I wondered why I existed, and I wondered why everything was so hypocritical. Why am I being taught that God’s love is all I need to comfort me, but, at the hand of my own father, I was crying myself to sleep?
It never made sense to me.
I grew up thinking men were no good. They were trash to me. There was no man that could offer anything to me.
After seeing all the abuse that my mom had to go through, why would I have been lucky enough for a real man to love me? I never wanted to get married, I claimed at 15. All I needed was me.
At times, I felt lonely, and I knew for a fact that, as a human being, I needed companionship, and a friendship at some point wasn’t enough for me. I very well feared men, and I had let the devil creep in, allowing me to believe that “the touch of a woman” would heal that need.
In high school, I started dating girls, and, even in that, I ended up in an abusive relationship. There were times she nearly killed me, and I wasn’t afraid.
I didn’t seem to care much. I secretly wanted it all to end. I was sick of clenching fists at my father’s presence, and I was sick of seeing my younger siblings’ tear-stained cheeks and eyes full of fear.
I began to drink this pain away, and I allowed lust be my prescription. And still, only at the hands of other women did I feel love.
It came to a point that my life was so out of hand that I would do the unthinkable. That was the problem: I would never THINK. I would just let my flesh take lead.
One night, I drank and drank and drank until I blacked out. I woke up in someone’s home with everyone gone, and my body felt as if it were on fire, and I could barely move. I managed to drag my way to the bathroom, and I began to lose my breath and the projectile vomiting began.
I cried, and I cried begging God to end my life. “I deserve it,” I cried out.
For the first time, I actually heard God speak to me. I was actually silent and still enough to listen — in a moment that I thought was the end for me. I made a promise to God that if his words were real, then I would give up every sin just to feel alive again.
Some months later, I straightened up my act. I began teaching at my church with the youth.
That’s one thing that I love about my pastor. He was so forgiving, and he explained to me that the devil was doing all he could to keep me from stepping foot in a church again. I had finally rid myself of all my demons (so to speak) — no more drinking, no more women.
I decided I needed to listen to music that wouldn’t provoke my past sins. I went out of my way to find Christian artists that I would be willing to listen to besides Hillsong and Chris Tomlin.
I came across KB’s “Open Letter,” and as soon as I heard that verse about the girl who was lusting for women, I began to cry.
For so long, I had believed that I was the only one — that I was going to Hell and that God had me condemned to the point of no return.
I realized, obviously, my thinking was corrupted. God had never left my side. I just needed to put my focus on him.
KB’s “Open Letter” spoke to me in so many ways. It allowed me to see that, one, all Christian music isn’t boring (laughs), two, I’m not alone in my fight against sin, and, three, that God’s grace is sufficient enough to surpass all sin!
Thanks to that song (which I played on repeat for days and days), I have been in support of so many Christian hip-hop artists, such as Mr. K to the second letter (of course), Flame, Lecrae, Trip Lee and more! Their music speaks faith into the hearts of those that may be fallen in sin. Their music reminds me that we’re all in this together, and that, as God’s children, we should dare to leave our old selves to be made new in HIM, G-O-D.
Mad respect to Christian hip hop — saving lives! JESUS, JESUS, JESUS to all of my haters.
If Christian hip hop has played a key role in your testimony and you would like to share it on Rapzilla.com, email your story to firstname.lastname@example.org. Rapzilla hopes that, through your story, another reader will be impacted.